The Flight of the Phoenix

Oh lord. Where do I begin. I knew better then to set foot in this establishment. I know some people who hang out in this bar and let's just say we aren't the same kind of people. Last Saturday night was a birthday party for a friend of a friend. And she wanted to go to Club Phoenix. In my seven years of living in this city I have avoided this place, it has been named Fandangos and Blue and now Phoenix. I brought my friend K along and we clutched each other nervously walking in. The place is said to a be two clubs in one kind of hang out. The problem with this place should have been apparent the minute we walked in the door. Yes Ladies and Gents the place has not one but three stripper poles. Now as someone who recently took a pole fitness class I can appreciate the challenges of working the pole. I was bruised and sore in places that I didn't know were possible. But I don't typically expect to find said pole in a place where you are having drinks, unless there are women paid to show off their talents on said pole. The upstairs part of this bar is called "The Temple" and I haven't the foggiest of why. The minute I walked in I was hit with techno music and some red flashing lights. These dotted lights were everywhere and I think only someone rolling on x would be able to appreciate them. I for one saw them as further proof that I am old because I think they were going to give me a seizure. Downstairs we wondered into some white room with couches and it's own private stripper pole. I think this is supposed to be the VIP area where they tout table service. I wanted to scream hello this isn't Vegas and it's not even Miami or Tampa. Who are they kidding. We ended up staying in the main part that placed the hip hop/dance music. I turned around to see two people making out on the couch. Seriously gave new thoughts to the phrase "Get a Room" . This guy must have been a dentist because he was seriously giving her an oral exam with his tongue. When I managed to pull my eyes away from that train wreck I turned to see what can only be described as a dance off between two young ladies. I say young because I am not ever sure they were legally of age to be in the bar drinking. I would bet my life they were students at the local high school. anyway these two ladies had found themselves what I assume is the Phoenix's version of a real catch. And they were doing their best to win his attention. I think they saw the stripper poles and got confused and thought perhaps this was the Cheetah Sarasota. The only difference in their dance and the one I see at the cheetah was they had just slightly more clothing on, and I do mean just slightly. I believe one was wearing a scarf for a top and she had on a tiny jean mini skirt that might be too small for my barbie dolls. The other one was wearing jeans but they were so tight and painted on that she might as well have been wearing body paint. Sadly their is no photos of this and won't be for a while. My camera met an untimely fate and alas I will have to wait to share the visual horrors of my nights out in the SRQ. But I know one thing for sure. I will never ever set foot in the Phoenix again.