Saturdays,Cialis, Siesta, and Three Times a Charm

So I learned something new from my friend M. I am still not quite sure how the conversation started but it led to a discussion of drugs for ED.. an yes I mean that ED.. Erectile Dysfunction. M let me in on the secrets of the boys and while it didn't come as a surprise to me to find out that young healthy guys are using these meds the little saying that was shared with me was a quite a surprise. M related a story about a hot girl walking by on the beach and his guy friend beside him said " I would cialis her". Seriously for real. So I guess when guys think they have one shot with a girl they want to make it a good one and pop these little extra helpers and a guy judges a girl based on her hotness level to see if she would be good enough for one of these said pills. I now feel like I must ask these boys if I am indeed cialis worthy. Aww boys. It's so funny to hear things from their perspective. So another glorious Saturday on the beach at siesta key. I am really starting to have some fun around here and not so sure I want to move after all. I guess life really is what you make of it. Tonight we went to the chill lounge. It was a very cool party in downtown sarasota. They blocked off the streets and brought in furniture. They had a band and all kind of vendors out there. Afterwards my friends L and her hubby A went with me to Selva Grill for the most fabulous Chocolate Raspberry Martini a girl could ever want. My friends met us there and then we moved the party to Evie's. Wouldn't you know it we ran into the dentist and his friends yet again. But this time the pick up challenged friend wasn't so over served and I finally got to help him with his lines. Bless his heart. I hope he got the message and will in the future follow my advice when talking to women. I did try to meet up with sweatpants again but he was off doing other things. I have no real bad fashion advice to report because for the first time ever people all looked really really good. I think they were more dressed up around the chill lounge event. I know I put a lot of extra thought into my outfit that night. I wanted to make sure just in case it's a common thought in a boys head.. that I was indeed cialis worthy.

Feathers and Fridays

It seems this week I have forgotten that I am not a 21 year old girl anymore. Maybe it's the influx of college kids that have hit this town on the wonderful college tradition that is.Spring Break. But I have been out almost every night this week and clearly the weekend wasn't going to be any exception. I met my friend B at Horse Feathers. She had her bf T with her and some other folks and we were looking to have a fun time. Almost right away we met up with our new friend the dentist and his other dental school friends. They were in fact being stalked by a gaggle of pretty girls that I feel most certain were not 21. But I think the boys were safe that they were indeed legal. Anyway this girl stared at the dentist for most of the time we were out there talking to him. I was beginning to feel he had a stalker and the dentist blew it off. And her off. Till the end of the night. Boys Boys Boys. Y'all are so predictable and so easy. Anywoo the point of this discussion isn't to talk about the ridiculous amount of Ed Hardy and Affliction tees that I saw out. ( But I did have this conversation with the bar manager and he said one night he counted 70!!!) Freakin a 70 guys wearing the worst fashion t shirt around. Please somebody with some fashion sense come here and open up a store for me because these boys need help. But I said I wouldn't talk about that. So I am going to talk about being a good wing woman for your boys. The dentist had a little friend with him. He seemed like a very nice and sweet boy, even though he was a bit over served. But his pickup lines were the worst. He was the one guy interested in the 18 year olds that were following the dentist around like he was the pied piper. But sadly his lines and his game needed a lot of work. Now why hadn't his friends tried to help him out before. I made an attempt to help him that night but the fact that he was over served created a bit of a problem. He just couldn't seem to understand what I was telling him. I finally gave up. And the boys finally relented and hung out with their 18 year old stalkers. Sadly I think the only one who didn't get any action was the pick up line challenged friend. I did find a guy wearing Rocks at the bar. I was impressed and that doesn't happen here near enough. Turns out D hates the affliction and ed hardy tee thing as much as me and we quickly bonded over our love of fashion. Not sure where D has been hiding in this town but he admitted that he is moving back to Ohio. So sadly he will not be the one guy that might be able to give this town some much needed fashion help.

Ladies Ladies Ladies Bigger isn't always Better!

Ok so once again I made the trek to Ladies Night at the Urban Flats. I dragged my friend B along and said we needed to do some research. It's beginning to be the same old crowd and the same old thing. I saw bedazzled angel wings again. This time he was wearing an Ed Hardy shirt with lots of flashy metallic on it. I just don't understand the need for this clothing to be worn that so clearly assaults my eyes. I witnessed some girls behaving badly. And for once I don't mean showing the cookie. I mean girls being downright mean and nasty in the ladies room. Their behavior was beyond rude and if I hadn't been a good southern girl I might have felt the need to show them just how high my round kick can go. Ladies I know we all are in a hurry to use the two stalls this place has for the women folk. I realize the line is out the door. But I can assure for the most part women go in, do their business and hopefully wash their hands. There is no need for you to continue to knock on the door and then start singing a pee pee song as if the person in the bathroom is the age of 5. Further I am pretty sure that science is on my side and there has never been one instance where this knocking is getting the pee to come out any faster. Rude is something I have little patience for. I think everyone could do with a bit of manners. Especially in Sarasota. The night wasn't all bad. We met up with B's neighbor ,a very cute dentist. He was beyond adorable with his horrible dance moves. It tugged at my heart strings so I had to help him out a bit. I will say he was a very fast learner and by the end of the night he was passing for halfway decent on the dance floor. I will take the credit as the A plus teacher that I am but I am pretty sure he was just a good student. The evening though went way to late. My friend R was smart and pulled a fast getaway but I had the brilliant idea of closing the place down. That now makes two school nights out to play during this work week and is clearly two too many. I did make one interesting revelation that the SRQ is trying to rival Miami and Tampa for the amount of silicone enhancements. And I am not knocking them, heck one day I will be signing up for the mommy makeover with the best of them. But these ladies were trying to give porn stars a run for their money. They totally didn't fit their body. I just don't see how any person has the need to go bigger then a D... these ladies skipped the alphabet and went straight to the doubles. I guess one D wasn't good enough so they thought that double d's would be twice the fun. Instead it reminded me of that crass saying I have heard guys say way too many times... "tits on a stick". It just wasn't hot. So ladies if you are thinking of getting the girls up top.. try to keep them in check with your body proportions. In most cases I am a go big or go home kind of girl..... But in this case Bigger isn't always better....

St Pattys and why I should never drink on a Tuesday

So of course like many of you the annual I need to celebrate my Irish part of my mutt roots came to pass. I headed down to the Gulf Gate area to partake in what I hoped would not be green beer and drown my sorrows about the upcoming possible job lay offs. I had a fun group of locals with me and I think I had one of the most fun nights in the SRQ that I have had in sometime. We hung out in the tent area at the Irish Rovery ( I think that's the name) I finally got to see sweatpants out again. I even reconnected with an old friend. All in all it was a great night. Until the next morning. Ya see I was doing fine drinking a couple of Killian's and partaking in all the strange sights that come with grown men wearing leprechaun attire. And even women sporting green hair wigs. First I have to ask why would one need to wear a green wig on this day. Can't ya just put some green clothing on like the rest of the world and throw on a necklace and call it day. Anyway my friend J met some old man and though we accuse her quite a bit of having a daddy complex.. this one took the cake. I am pretty sure he tried to really kiss her. Silly Viagra thinking ole men can have any young girl they like!!! But I once again am off subject. Sweatpants was kind enough to come meet my friends and the like and then extend an invitation to join his friends at The Thirsty Turtle. Well shortly after our arrival sweatpants and the gang headed out to the key and Myself and my two guy friends thought it would be a good idea to switch to hard stuff. Let's just say Wednesday was a very very very long workday indeed. I have to say I was mostly impressed with how many young people were out. Maybe this town is not so old after all and I will actually admit to having some fun around here. I even might want to stay.

The Flight of the Phoenix

Oh lord. Where do I begin. I knew better then to set foot in this establishment. I know some people who hang out in this bar and let's just say we aren't the same kind of people. Last Saturday night was a birthday party for a friend of a friend. And she wanted to go to Club Phoenix. In my seven years of living in this city I have avoided this place, it has been named Fandangos and Blue and now Phoenix. I brought my friend K along and we clutched each other nervously walking in. The place is said to a be two clubs in one kind of hang out. The problem with this place should have been apparent the minute we walked in the door. Yes Ladies and Gents the place has not one but three stripper poles. Now as someone who recently took a pole fitness class I can appreciate the challenges of working the pole. I was bruised and sore in places that I didn't know were possible. But I don't typically expect to find said pole in a place where you are having drinks, unless there are women paid to show off their talents on said pole. The upstairs part of this bar is called "The Temple" and I haven't the foggiest of why. The minute I walked in I was hit with techno music and some red flashing lights. These dotted lights were everywhere and I think only someone rolling on x would be able to appreciate them. I for one saw them as further proof that I am old because I think they were going to give me a seizure. Downstairs we wondered into some white room with couches and it's own private stripper pole. I think this is supposed to be the VIP area where they tout table service. I wanted to scream hello this isn't Vegas and it's not even Miami or Tampa. Who are they kidding. We ended up staying in the main part that placed the hip hop/dance music. I turned around to see two people making out on the couch. Seriously gave new thoughts to the phrase "Get a Room" . This guy must have been a dentist because he was seriously giving her an oral exam with his tongue. When I managed to pull my eyes away from that train wreck I turned to see what can only be described as a dance off between two young ladies. I say young because I am not ever sure they were legally of age to be in the bar drinking. I would bet my life they were students at the local high school. anyway these two ladies had found themselves what I assume is the Phoenix's version of a real catch. And they were doing their best to win his attention. I think they saw the stripper poles and got confused and thought perhaps this was the Cheetah Sarasota. The only difference in their dance and the one I see at the cheetah was they had just slightly more clothing on, and I do mean just slightly. I believe one was wearing a scarf for a top and she had on a tiny jean mini skirt that might be too small for my barbie dolls. The other one was wearing jeans but they were so tight and painted on that she might as well have been wearing body paint. Sadly their is no photos of this and won't be for a while. My camera met an untimely fate and alas I will have to wait to share the visual horrors of my nights out in the SRQ. But I know one thing for sure. I will never ever set foot in the Phoenix again.

How Low Can You Go

So again tonight I went to the only bar in town open on a Thursday night. The Urban Flats which is a respectable flat bread dining establishment on any night but Thursday. Tonight the ladies were clearly having a secret contest of who could wear the the shortest dress. It was like the best of the tunic tops in a fashion face off. The winner no doubt was yellow tshirt dress. I am pretty sure it was her father's tshirt at some point that was embellished and cut to barely cover the cookie ( and yes I do mean that cookie!!!!) I swear to you when she came out of the bathroom I saw every element of her gstring undies. I tried to get a picture but wussed out when she turned around. I could picture her with some over size MMA looking fella and I value my pretty face, that and I was too involved. Yes ladies and gentlemen tonight's blog is peppered by the fact that at heart I am a sport's girl. And Syracuse gave Conn the game of their feakin life tonight. It was 6 OT and it was a beauty and I couldn't tear myself away from the few tv's in the bar to get a picture of the chicas in their short short dresses. I did later see one cross her legs at the bar and was so happy it wasn't a Sharon Stone moment. There was also once again a shortage for quality males and females out in this lovely town. I am reminded that I gave up boys for lent and while I also gave up desserts I will admit to struggling with the latter. ( see my silly friend H got married and I had to have a bite of cake for good luck, and well the flood gates have opened my Sweet tooth and I am officially the devil) I recently came across a dating book by Steve Harvey. ( my friend J watches Oprah way too much and started quoting it to me!!!!) My first thought was another self help book, quickly followed by how is this middle aged comedian gonna help me find my man... well let me tell you after seeing the" how low can you go" contest that went on in the bar tonight, I am thinking the whole world might benefit from steve harvey. First off what makes a lady think she needs to dress like the sluttiest of tarts to get her man. And if she does hook a man in said attire, what the hell does she think will come of it. I have to agree we ladies have let the bar down, way low. I wore a halter top, shorts and my high bebe heels tonight. I tried to leave the hair down but at some point it went up. And I had a denim jacket. I was more clothed then a skier in the middle of winter compared to what I saw out tonight. I don't think its just because I am much older then the crowd there. I want to know what makes a girl think she has to be that girl. I don't ever want to be that girl. I Will be happy to die a life of solitude with my kitty Riley then be that girl. And yes I now have officially admitted to being the crazy cat lady. So back to this town. I saw a lot of things tonight that I don't want to see again. There was a couple sporting more 80's hair then if we were at a costume party. I wanted to ask them to pat it down so I could see the tv in between. It wasn't all bad. My friend R. spotted a hottie in a I Love NY tshirt. I must admit he and his super tall Sasquatch friend were beyond gorgeous. But then I watched them flirt with the equivalent to the female douche bag. There were enough of the lames of both sexes to drive anyone to drink ( thank god for ladies night and free booze). Ughh so here it is ladies and gents in this town you need to be a 22 year old female and either want a guy close to your age, or prefer a sugar daddy. There is sadly no in between. And if you are a dude.. you need to be hot, or have money.. either seems to work. But ladies if you happen to be reading this one.. please cover your flower pot, your money maker, and yes your cookie. As a self respecting older woman I hope to never see y'all in the battle of how low can you go with your hem lines again. I am all about embracing the sexy and I am far from a prude, but don't give the cow away for free. I saw more tonight then one typically sees on redtube or u porn. Ladies Ladies Ladies you hold all the cards, act like it.. It isn't a limbo contest with your drawers as the prize...

Hi Yall and Ya Gotta Start Somewhere!

So my friends have been laughing at the stories I tell of dating life in Sarasota, Fl. My friends outside of this state can't even begin to imagine and insist that I am being dramatic. I will admit that I have been blessed with a flair for the dramatic and will not confirm or deny if I was nominated in my high school superlatives as most likely to be a soap star. However ,this is entirely the truth. And those few other lucky single professionals in this town can confirm that I do indeed speak the truth without embellishment. While out with girlfriends this past Thursday night I was struck with the idea of starting this little blog. We were hanging out at the only hot spot on Thursday nights, a little flat bread restaurant called Urban Flats. It turns into a ladies night, DJ dance fest, meat market after hours. The fly of course is the free alcohol for the ladies which then attracts the men. Ahh good ole ladies night. It does seem to bring all kinds. One is guaranteed to find women having some kind of contest to see who is wearing the least clothing and the men seem to not want to be left out. Typically you see the men folk around here sporting the ed hardy and affliction tshirts. This fashion fad has sadly just made it's way to Sarasota but most fashionistas have grown tired of this already trendy fashion. Anywhoo this past Thursday night a young man was wearing a tshirt that looked like he got a hold of his mom's bedazzling gun and went to town. I swear. Their is photographic proof once I get it from my girlfriend L. SO I want you all to picture angel wings large as life on the back of this boys shirt, in some type of a shiny rhinestone. And then this boy turned around and lord help us it was bedazzled with writing on the front.. yes ladies and gentlemen he was double bedazzled. This caused quite the stir among my friends J and L and we laughed alot. We should have known this was some new trend, because not 10 minutes later we saw another boy in a bedazzled tshirt and I think we all about peed our pants. Gentlemen please listen up.. lesson number one, step away from the gemstones. I know it's hard to put that bedazzler down and as metro and well groomed as we ladies want our men, I don't think any of us want to see you sporting clothes that have more sparkle then a lite brite. So after this comical encounter I said I should start blogging about being single in the Sarasota city and actually take my camera around at night and take pictures. I was seriously joking but everyone thought it would be hysterical. So I ran some ideas by a few others this weekend and it sounds like a hit. Well probably it will only be read by dearest friends and family, no scratch that no family allowed!!! But if I can entertain y'all with my stories of dating in god's waiting room then I gotta do it. Saturday night I met a young man that we will just call sweatpants. I am pretty sure his tactic of wearing sweatpants was a form of Peacocking from that horrible book The Game that some men read but I will say it worked on me. My friend K and I were out for a few drinks and I couldn't resist talking to a guy who had the guts to wear sleeping lounge wear out to the trendy bar where ever other guy is wearing tshirts they clearly stole from their little teenage brother. ( admit it y'all you have seen these boys stretched out in tees tighter then Under Armor) That kind of guy(sweatpants) is the one you want to talk to and we have struck up a friendship.. Though he did make me promise not to put him in this blog. Sorry sweatpants I had to break that one, but only to give you some props. Confidence is sexy!!! So look forward to more updates. I am going to make an entry sometime this week to sum up some funny stories from the past. There are some priceless ones that need to be told!!! And in the future I will be out like a social butterfly doing research as my friend B called it. I will be people watching with the best of them but don't worry all names will be protected. I will also not be immune from the stories because those of y'all that know me also know that I have some stories to tell.. I have been kissing frogs for a long time.. its time to put that to good use. Sadly the dating life in Sarasota isn't all that hot. Unless you are an Anna Nicole type after a 70 year old man hyped up on Viagra. Or you are a 21 year old in college.. I am def not the first and sadly I am not the latter. Hope those of you who took the time to read this got a smile. More laughs to come.........( I added the pic of the wings which is clearly more then red bull was promising... )